Posts Tagged ‘Stripper

12
May
13

Sweet painted lady

My Toyota is a pole dancer. She returned from the tire shop yesterday looking soiled, red with shame. A new sheen on her sidewalls declared the obvious: she was a kept coupe. And I had been blind until then. The telltale sign? Armor All on the outside of the normal tires which had just replaced their winter counterparts.
Why did the local garage feel it necessary to tart up my Toy this way? As Hamlet puts it, “paint an inch thick.” She squeaks now as we round corners in the Harmon’s parking structure, cruising on the smooth cement, and when I return from my shopping trip, a sultry-voiced stranger hollers “hey”, likely thinking I will pimp her out. No go, buddy.
Parking in front of my own house, I get out and notice the showroom-slick glistening black that bespeaks her dim origins, hinting that I just picked her up off a lot on south State Street near the Republican Tavern. Not across the tracks, but beside a bail bond office, and straying into the territory of high interest financing.
She has been a good car; why the Snap-On tools men thought she needed a makeover I don’t get. Her chassis is fine, her trunk capacious, and aside from a little glass that keeps turning up from a break-in last autumn, the interior spotless.
Today I am a little embarrassed to be seen around town with her. It’s Sunday. You know how the church crowd talk. One minute it’s “you’re the model couple” and the next people are tweeting you e-Harmony stats during the sermon. I’ve seen it all.
But I am boldly going to park next to the red curb, leave the windows open on this 87-degree morning, and stroll down the aisle into the second row. I will take two powdered sugar doughnuts during fellowship time min the breezeway and carelessly let the white dust scatter over my lips, beard, and Clark shoes, slick with the leather oil they sold me with this pair.
We are a team.

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